YOUR RESULTS ARE IN!
Your Self-Limiting Habit is… Overcommitting!
Overcommitting and people pleasing are behaviors that many of us struggle with, often leading to stress and burnout. These behaviors stem from a desire to be liked, accepted, and valued by others– you know that need for external validation.
Maybe, you go out of your way to meet others’ expectations, often at the expense of your own needs and desires. This behavior is rooted in self-doubt; you believe that your worth is contingent on others’ approval.
By constantly seeking validation, you inadvertently reinforce the notion that you are not enough on your own. This external dependency traps you in a cycle of self-doubt as your sense of worth becomes increasingly tied to others’ perceptions.
If you constantly take on more work than you can handle, always feel stressed by your to-do list, worry about letting others down, and always want to be seen in a positive light by others, chances are you’re self-sabotaging by doing too much.
When you set yourself up for failure by overcommiting in all the areas of your life, you also set yourself up for feelings of guilt, depression, and burn out.
As if that’s not enough, constantly being and doing extra can take a real toll on your mental and physical health.
And when you put too much on your schedule, you can feel like an inadequate failure when you can’t finish everything you start.
The guilt that comes from carrying around too heavy of a commitment load will often find you saying ‘yes’ when someone asks you to add ‘just one more thing’ to your already overladen workload.
It makes it almost impossible to establish and enforce healthy personal boundaries and can eventually lead to burnout.
When you usually put yourself last, you make your stress worse. And too much stress = increased cortisol levels = inflammation and weakened immune system.
Yes, you can overwork yourself into sickness.
So how does a chronic people-pleasing over-committer take back control of their life and set healthy boundaries?
1. Think back. Take stock of all the things that have piled up on your To-Do List, especially those that ended up there that shouldn’t have.
2. Be honest with yourself. Ask yourself why those things ended up there. Was it because you felt guilt if you said no? Was it to please someone else? Did it stem from insecurity? Recognize any unhealthy patterns and forgive yourself.
3. Make a new commitment… to do less. Remove anything from the list that really doesn’t serve you, or costs you too much in peace of mind to accomplish realistically. Create healthy boundaries around your commitments, like no more volunteer work until you take time for your own self-care first.
“The difference between successful people and really successful people is that really successful people say no to almost everything.”
— Warren Buffet
Self-Sabotage Counter-Attack!
If you want to stop the self-sabotage and finally get out of your own way, the key is understanding why you’re doing it — what need is it filling?
Then, apply a little creativity to identify healthier, happier, and more productive ways to meet those needs.
Here’s a simple guide to help you begin the journey of rewriting your self-sabotaging programming:
The First Step is Self-Awareness
1. Inventory – Reflect and get curious about your own self-sabotage.
- What does your self-sabotage look like?
- How does it typically start?
- Are there any unhealthy patterns?
By reflecting and noticing any repeating patterns, you can more easily recognize when it’s time to take over and kick those traits to the curb. You can then take a moment to pause and get familiar with what’s happening in your mind and body – what’s triggering them and how it feels physically
2. Challenge – Once you’ve spotted your self-limiting habits, it’s time to challenge what they’re actually doing for you.
If you want to stop procrastinating, you first need to realize that it’s helping you deal with your own fear of success.
If you want to stop over-committing, you need to recognize that it fills your need to feel useful by ignoring your own needs.
So ask yourself what your self-limiting habits ‘do’ for you – and then do the harder work of uncovering some underlying issues you need to work through. Whether it is childhood trauma, feelings of inadequacy, or daily struggles in life, they can all lead to self-limiting beliefs and behaviors.
Once you’ve spotted your negative self-sabotaging habits and rooted out their cause, you can make a new pattern that serves your end goals and helps you grow with confidence and healing.
Think about who you really want to be – and start aligning your actions to that potential. Use affirmations to help ease your negative self-talk, so the next time you find yourself turning to your old self-sabotaging ways, you can confidently choose your new, self-affirming solutions.
Most importantly, be compassionate. Old habits die hard but with repetition you will change routined thinking and behaving. Just stop, recognize that you’re trying, and remind yourself of why these patterns didn’t actually work for you before – then give yourself the opportunity to do better.
This work takes time, and sometimes, you need outside help to guide you down the path.
Hey there!
I’m Dr. Lori, clinical health psychologist, women’s empowerment coach, author, speaker, TV contributor and creator of REAL Women’s Collective™ a private community filled with tools, strategies, courses, Live Q/A and a community of supportive women.
In my 35 years of practice as a psychologist, I have learned that at the core of almost every struggle is fear and self-doubt.
The First Step is SELF-AWARENESS.
Learning yourself better involves bringing the unconscious into conscious awareness to stop living on auto-pilot and actively engage in successful, authentic living.
Challenge Your Old Thoughts and Behaviors and Learn a NEW way of Authentically Living!
1. Follow on Instagram for helpful tips and strategies for holistic health, growth strategies, and authentic living. Step out of self-doubt and fear and stop wasting this life Click Here @dr.lori
2. Click here to Subscribe to the newsletter where I share my passion for helping people unlock their authentic self, rewrite their patterns, build self awareness to improve holistic health –physical body, mind, emotional connections and your business.
Get To Know Yourself 👠
“Self-destruction and self-sabotaging are often just the start of the self-resurrection process.”
― Oli Anderson
Like what you see? Let’s connect!
Dive deeper and take a look at our community, enroll in courses and connect further.
ON THE BLOG
The Latest From The Blog
Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT): Benefits, Risks, and a Generation of Misinformation
Becoming Real with Dr. Lori—with Ann Konkoly, DNP, WHNP-BC, MSCP Many women reach midlife...
Menopause Brain Fog or Dementia? How to Tell the Difference
I walked into a room last week and forgot why I was there. Then I lost a word I use all the time...
When the Good Ones Die, Are We Raising Their Replacements?
When I heard today that Dolly Parton had died, my heart, like many of yours, I imagine, felt a...