Becoming real with dr Lori

→New episode Every week

→Free on Apple, Spotify & YouTube

 

YOUR RESULTS ARE IN!

Your Self -Limiting Habit is… Perfectionism! 

When you let your need to be perfect keep you from ever properly finishing anything – or worse, keep you from even starting something for fear of not doing it well enough – you’re actually sabotaging yourself.

This is a sneaky one because perfectionism is often sold as a fine attention to detail, and who doesn’t want that kind of expert attention?

But it can create a crippling fear of imperfection – and that isn’t good.

When you put so much emphasis on a perfect result, how do you ever find the motivation to get started?

And the negative self-talk that comes with perfectionism is even worse than the pressure of the task itself.

Do you constantly put yourself down?

Do you pick apart everything you do?

Can you let your mistakes go? Or do you replay everything you did wrong, in a horror movie hamster wheel reel of all your past failures?

The belief that you need to be perfect, no matter what, can take a serious toll on your mental health, causing depression, fear of failure, poor self-worth, self-doubt and imposter feelings.

Not to mention, it paralyzes you when it comes time to make any productive steps ahead.

But the root of perfectionism is a need for control, which is ironic because it can often remove your control by incapacitating you with fear and hesitation.

But there are ways that you can take the reins on your perfectionism…

1. Take Stock – Look around and see how others accomplish similar tasks.

Are they getting the job done well enough?

Does your over-the-top attention to detail really count for much if it takes too much time or keeps you from completing things?

2. Relax Your Standards – I’m not saying do a sloppy or poor job on everything, but maybe you don’t need to color coordinate your Post-Its or Alphabetize your spice cabinet.

Set SMART goals that are Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Relevant, and Time-Bound.

3. Get Real With Your Expectations – Stop comparing yourself to others and allow yourself some slack when you put pressure on yourself. Remind yourself that you are doing fine as long as you’re motivated and doing your best work.

‘Perfect’ is a harmfully unattainable standard; you’re just as human and imperfect as the rest of us.

Try to focus on finding joy and meaning in the things you do rather than the perfect result.

Lastly, repeat after me, “Finished is better than perfect!” …because perfect rarely gets finished.

“The seed of your next artwork lies embedded in the imperfections of your current piece.”

– David Bayles

Self-Sabotage Counter-Attack!

If you want to stop the self-sabotage and finally get out of your own way, the key is understanding why you’re doing it — what need is it filling?

Then, apply a little creativity to identify healthier, happier, and more productive ways to meet those needs.

Here’s a simple guide to help you begin the journey of rewriting your self-sabotaging programming:

Begin with Self-Awareness

1. Inventory – Reflect back and get curious about your own self-sabotage.

  • What does your self-sabotage look like?
  • How does it typically start?
  • Are there any unhealthy patterns?

By reflecting and noticing any repeating patterns, you can more easily recognize when it’s time to take over and kick those traits to the curb. You can then take a moment to pause and get familiar with what’s happening in your mind and body – what’s triggering them and how it feels physically.

2. Challenge – Once you’ve spotted your self-sabotaging habits, it’s time to challenge what they’re actually doing for you.

If you want to stop procrastinating, you first need to realize that it’s helping you deal with your own fear of success. If you want to stop over-committing, you need to recognize that it fills your need to feel useful by ignoring your own needs.

So ask yourself what your self-sabotaging habits ‘do’ for you – and then do the harder work of uncovering some underlying issues that you need to work through. Whether it is childhood trauma, feelings of inadequacy, or daily struggles in life, they can all lead to self-limiting beliefs and behaviors.

3. Create a new pattern – This is the fun part where you get to choose your next adventure!

Once you’ve spotted your negative self-sabotaging habits and rooted out their cause, you can make a new pattern that serves your end goals and helps you grow with confidence and healing.

Think about who you really want to be – and start aligning your actions to that potential. Use affirmations to help ease your negative self-talk, so the next time you find yourself turning to your old self-sabotaging ways, you can confidently choose your new, self-affirming solutions.

Most importantly, be compassionate. Old habits die hard but with repetition you will change routined thinking and behaving. Just stop, recognize that you’re trying, and remind yourself of why these patterns didn’t work for you before – then give yourself the opportunity to do better.

Remember to be patient with yourself, creating a new way of thinking and acting takes time.

For more strategies to change your habit of perfectionism, check out the Free guide on Becoming Imperfectly Perfect.

Perfectionism and procrastination habits can often have their roots in our chronic self-doubt. Self-doubt can compromise our health, our relationships and is often the killer of our dreams.

This is our ONE life–Let’s not let Self-Doubt and Fear hold us back!!

If you’re interested in delving deeper into strategies rooted in science and informed by my decades of experience working with thousands of women, explore the course on Overcoming Chronic Self-Doubt.

Hey there!

I’m Dr. Lori, clinical health psychologist, women’s empowerment coach, author, speaker, TV contributor and creator of REAL Women’s Collective™ a private community filled with tools, strategies, courses, Live Q/A and a community of supportive women.
In my 35 years of practice as a psychologist, I have learned that at the core of almost every struggle is fear and self-doubt.
The First Step is SELF-AWARENESS.
Learning yourself better involves bringing the unconscious into conscious awareness to stop living on auto-pilot and actively engage in successful, authentic living.
Challenge Your Old Thoughts and Behaviors and Learn a NEW way of Authentically Living!
1. Follow on Instagram for helpful tips and strategies for holistic health, growth strategies, and authentic living. Step out of self-doubt and fear and stop wasting this life Click Here @dr.lori
2. Click here to Subscribe to the newsletter where I share my passion for helping people unlock their authentic self, rewrite their patterns, build self awareness to improve holistic health –physical body, mind, emotional connections and your business.
Get To Know Yourself 👠

“Self-destruction and self-sabotaging are often just the start of the self-resurrection process.”

― Oli Anderson

JOIN US!

Like what you see? Let’s connect!

Dive deeper and take a look at our community, enroll in courses and connect further.

Yes, of course

ON THE BLOG

The Latest From The Blog