I feel like Punxsutawney Phil—climbing out of my dark hole to reluctantly check on what is to come. Will there be more of the same, or is there a prediction of better days ahead?
Okay, maybe that’s a bit melodramatic, but my family hails from Punxsutawney, so we feel a certain kinship with our famous groundhog. The tradition runs deep, intensifying the metaphor.
January pulled me into this hole. My sister died. Then I landed in the hospital with a significant medical issue. And every time I tried to peek my head out, I was met with more news filled with sadness, fear, cruelty, tragedy, and despair.
But like my close personal friend, Punxsutawney Phil, I’m venturing to leave my hole and search for signs of this beautiful life.
Because Despair is a Thief
It sneaks in when we are exhausted, when grief is raw, when we are sick and struggling, and the world feels impossibly heavy. It whispers, Why bother? It tells us that nothing will change, that the fight is too big, and that our voices are too small.
But despair only wins if we let it.
The Power of Small Steps
Healing, like progress, is built on small, steady steps. The human body repairs itself constantly, replacing damaged cells, healing micro-injuries, and restoring what was worn down. Change—whether in our personal lives or the world—works the same way. One small action at a time.
When we are lost in grief, pain, or uncertainty, it’s easy to feel like nothing we do will make a difference. But that is exactly why small steps matter. They are the first signs of movement, of life returning, of resilience in action.
Every time we choose to care, every time we show up, every time we decide that kindness and courage are worth the effort, we are part of that slow, steady process of healing.
Healing as Resistance
History is proof of this. Every right we have, every moment of progress, every barrier broken—it happened because someone refused to believe that their efforts were futile.
And this isn’t just true for the big, world-changing fights. It’s true for the deeply personal ones, too.
Because healing—whether it’s our health, our hearts, or our communities—is an act of resistance.
As women, advocating for our health often means refusing to be dismissed—asking the extra question, seeking a second opinion, and trusting our intuition. It’s exhausting at times, but every step forward reclaims our health, our power, our very lives.
Grief, too, demands resilience. It doesn’t move in a straight line; it pulls us forward and drags us back. But healing isn’t about erasing loss—it’s about learning to carry it differently. The first deep breath after weeks of heaviness, the small moment of laughter that sneaks in—these are signs of life returning, proof that we’re still moving forward.
The same is true for the world around us. It can be overwhelming to look at the scale of suffering and injustice and feel powerless. But change happens the same way healing does—one small step at a time. One choice to care. One act of courage.
Five Unexpected Strategies to Build Resilience
In navigating these challenges, I’ve discovered five unexpected strategies to foster resilience:
Borrow Strength from Your Future Self
Instead of just looking for motivation in the present, visualize your future self—the version of you who has already made it through this struggle. What would they tell you? What decisions did they make that got them there? Take it further by recording a short voice memo as your future self, offering advice and reassurance. Hearing your own voice anchoring you in resilience can be unexpectedly powerful.
Why it works: Research in mental time travel suggests that vividly imagining ourselves overcoming difficulties enhances perseverance and self-efficacy. The brain responds to future visualization as if it’s already happening, making resilience feel more achievable.
Break a Rule That No Longer Serves You
We all live by unspoken rules—“I have to keep it together for everyone,” “I should always be productive,” “Asking for help is weak.” But resilience isn’t just about enduring; it’s about unlearning. Identify one personal rule that’s keeping you stuck, and intentionally break it. Cry when you need to, take up space, leave something unfinished. Give yourself permission to rewrite the script.
Why it works: Neuroplasticity research shows that breaking habitual patterns rewires the brain, allowing us to respond to stress in new, healthier ways. Changing thought patterns disrupts cognitive rigidity, making resilience easier to cultivate.
Change the Scenery, Change the Mindset
Resilience isn’t just about enduring; it’s about shifting perspective. Instead of pushing through stress in the same routine, disrupt your pattern—work in a new location, take a different route on your walk, or even rearrange a room in your home. Small environmental changes can jolt the brain out of stagnation, helping you see challenges from a new angle. Sometimes, breaking out of a rut starts with something as simple as sitting in a different chair.
Why it works: Studies in environmental psychology suggest that changing environments can boost cognitive flexibility and problem-solving ability. Exposure to new surroundings helps the brain create alternative perspectives, making stress feel more manageable.
Add, Don’t Just Subtract
When struggling, we often try to eliminate stressless screen time and fewer obligations, cutting out the negativity. But real resilience comes from adding what replenishes you. Instead of just removing what drains you, ask: What do I need more of? More music, more stillness, more time in nature? Build resilience by nourishing, not just restricting.
Why it works: Research on positive psychology suggests that adding small, meaningful experiences into our day increases our resilience by broadening cognitive resources and emotional flexibility. Instead of merely avoiding stress, we actively build well-being.
Anchor Yourself with an Object That Holds Meaning
Sometimes, resilience is about remembering who we are and what we’ve already survived. Find an object that carries history—a ring, a stone from a meaningful place, an old note from someone who believes in you. Keep it close as a reminder: You’ve been through hard things before. You are still here.
Why it works: Neuroscience shows that tangible objects with personal significance activate the brain’s reward system, reinforcing emotional regulation and a sense of safety. Physical reminders can ground us in moments of stress, triggering resilience-boosting neural pathways.
And That Is How We Prevail
Whether we’re healing our bodies, our hearts, or this world, the process is the same. One refusal to let despair unravel the work we’ve already done.
So, if you’re feeling like retreating into the darkness, I get it. But don’t let despair convince you that the small steps don’t matter. Keep going.
Spring will come. It always does.
