“I have a voice in my head, and I want you to hear it.”

The voice belongs to my four-foot-eleven-inch, blue-eyed Polish grandmother, Emily Serian—although nearly everyone knew her simply as Nana.

Her voice is why I wrote Greedy for Life, why I presented a workshop at the TEDWomen conference on intergenerational relationships and why I started Nana’s Tribe Foundation.

Most grandmothers leave behind jewelry, recipes or a set of china no one is quite sure they are allowed to use.

Nana left me her voice, a passion for Guardians baseball and a belief that human connection can move the needle on bias and isolation.

What Nana Understood About Dignity

Nana grew up in a poor Polish immigrant family and completed only the eighth grade because continuing into high school cost money her family did not have. My grandfather was an Italian immigrant with a fifth-grade education.

With hard work and support from others, they opened a restaurant in Punxsutawney called The Quick Lunch.

From behind the counter, they noticed parents dividing one hot dog between themselves and a child or sharing a single drink. Nana recognized what was happening because she had once been that hungry child.

Once a month, my grandparents provided a free community meal. A bucket was placed near the door for anyone who wanted—and was able—to contribute.

No one was singled out. No one had to explain why they could not pay.

It was not about my grandparents being seen as charitable. It was about ensuring that the people who needed the meal were never made to feel like charity.

Everyone belonged at the same table.

Why We Need People Outside Our Generation

We now live in a remarkably age-segregated society.

Young people spend most of their time with other young people. Older adults are directed toward senior housing, senior transportation and senior programming.

Then we wonder why the generations misunderstand one another.

The brain prefers familiarity and predictability. We naturally gravitate toward people who look like us, think like us and understand the world as we do.

Over time, familiarity can begin to feel safe while difference feels threatening. We sort people into categories and start predicting who they are before we know them.

Intergenerational relationships interrupt that process.

Research suggests that meaningful contact between groups can reduce prejudice, particularly when people meet as equals, cooperate toward a shared purpose and have enough time to know one another as individuals.

A stereotype can survive a statistic.

It has a much harder time surviving a relationship.

Loneliness Is Not Always the Absence of People

Intergenerational relationships may also help address loneliness at both ends of the age spectrum.

Social isolation describes an external reality—the absence of people, regular contact or opportunities to participate.

Loneliness is an internal experience. It is the painful feeling that we are not known, understood, valued or meaningfully connected.

A young person can have thousands of followers and still feel that no one truly knows them.

An older adult can live in a busy community and still feel that no one is curious about the knowledge they carry or what they still have to offer.

Sometimes loneliness is the absence of feeling that we matter to the people around us.

Creating Relationships That Matter

Bringing different generations into the same room is not enough. Meaningful intergenerational relationships require:

• Repeated contact rather than a single encounter
• A shared activity or purpose
• Equal opportunities to contribute
• Questions that invite stories instead of arguments
• Enough time for people to become more complicated than our assumptions

The history of The Quick Lunch inspired Nana’s Tribe to create the Long Lunch—an annual gathering where generations share a meal and guided conversation.

There is nothing to debate and nothing to win.

The goal is to leave knowing someone we might otherwise never have met.

In This Podcast Episode

In Why Intergenerational Relationships Matter: Loneliness, Ageism, and Belonging, I explore:

• The woman behind Nana’s Tribe Foundation
• Nana’s lifelong love of Cleveland baseball
• How The Quick Lunch protected dignity while feeding a community
• Why the brain prefers familiarity
• How meaningful contact can challenge prejudice
• The difference between loneliness and social isolation
• What makes intergenerational relationships succeed
• One question that can begin a very different conversation

That question is:

What do people misunderstand about your generation?

The answer may surprise you.

Listen to the full episode of Becoming Real with Dr. Lori.

A single conversation can challenge an assumption. A relationship can change the way we see an entire group of people.

Learn more about the work of Nana’s Tribe Foundation and the upcoming Step Into Courage gathering.

Research and Resources

• WHO Commission on Social Connection
• World Health Organization: Ageism
• A Meta-Analytic Test of Intergroup Contact Theory
• Programs for Reducing Ageism

 

Related Episodes

If this conversation resonated with you, you may also enjoy:

• Can We Trust Each Other Again? DEI, Belonging, and Staying Curious in a Divided World — A conversation about rebuilding trust, remaining curious and creating belonging across our differences.
• The Voices in Your Head: Whose Are They Really? — An exploration of the voices we inherit, including the loving voices that continue guiding us long after someone is gone.
• Alzheimer’s Caregiving, Ambiguous Loss, and the Slow Grief of Dementia — An honest conversation about caregiving, dignity, loneliness and the complicated love shared across generations.