I had a dream last night—my father was there. But, like in all my dreams involving people I have lost, they never speak. This annoys me. I wanted him to talk to me, laugh with me, dance with me, or simply hold my hand.
Instead, he was just there smiling, and the images around him would fade in and out—trees, ships, woodworking tools, sunshine, and a sign that read “May the Work That I Have Done Here Speak for Me.” This saying was the plaque inside his casket.
I miss this guy. He was integrity.
Integrity. I find it to be a heavy and hopeful word.
It comes from the Latin word integer, meaning whole or complete, and refers to being honest, true to your values, and honoring decency and goodness. Boy, I am searching for this.
It sure feels like so many of us aren’t even trying to do the right thing anymore. The easy path seems to be to lie, to say or do whatever you think will make you feel bigger or better, to spew hate, to humiliate other humans—to reduce them to labels or mock them.
We all have the capacity to be perpetrators or Upstanders who stand in our courage and integrity. For me, it is a regular struggle to land on the right side.
My struggles often lead me to my couch, a blanket, and the chance to binge Madam Secretary for the (not going to humiliate myself by sharing the actual number J) XXX time.
This is the line that continues to whisper to me: “When everything seems to be lacking in integrity, you know what you do? You find it in yourself. You change the world right from where you’re standing.”
This profound statement reflects a timeless truth: Real change always starts from within.
The Temptation to Conform
When faced with dishonesty, corruption, or a general sense that integrity is out of style, the natural response might be to conform. After all, what’s the point in standing up for what’s right if no one else is?
Enter the place where the challenge of integrity truly lies. It’s not about being perfect or moral in a vacuum; it’s about holding onto your values in the face of adversity, especially when it feels like the world around you has lost its way.
So, why do we struggle with this?
Neuroscience suggests that our brains are wired for belonging. Humans are social creatures, and the drive to fit in is deeply ingrained. When we see others cutting corners or abandoning their principles, a part of us is tempted to do the same to avoid standing out or being ostracized.
In many ways, integrity requires going against the grain and upholding what we know is right, even when it’s uncomfortable. And it usually is!
The Ripple Effect: How Personal Integrity Creates Collective Change
As a psychologist, I talk to many people, and what I hear most is feelings of powerlessness, hopelessness, overwhelm, anger, and despair. Of course, it is easy to feel this way when we are surrounded by and confronted by dishonesty or injustice.
However, one of the most remarkable things about integrity is its ripple effect. Choosing to stand in your truth influences others, often in ways you can’t see immediately. As dishonesty and corruption can spread, so can authenticity and integrity. Your actions might inspire someone else to do the same, creating a chain reaction of positive change.
Research in social psychology shows that when one person demonstrates strong moral courage, others are encouraged to follow suit. This phenomenon is known as “moral elevation.” When we witness acts of integrity or bravery, we are inspired to rise to the occasion and uphold our values.
Acts of integrity are all around us, but sadly, they are often overshadowed by the rest of the ugly noise. We may need to quiet ourselves to hear and see integrity in action.
So, while it may seem like our individual actions don’t matter in the grand scheme of things, remember that integrity has a far-reaching impact. You may never fully know how your courage has inspired someone else to take the same stand.
Integrity Starts with Small, Everyday Choices
Changing the world by “finding it in yourself” doesn’t require grand gestures or public displays of heroism. Instead, it’s about the small, everyday choices we make. It’s in how we speak to our co-workers, how we choose to engage in difficult conversations, or how we stand up for someone being treated unfairly. It’s choosing to follow through on a promise, even when it’s inconvenient, or deciding not to engage in gossip when it would be so much easier to join in.
Living with integrity is about aligning your actions with your values, even when no one is watching—especially when no one else seems to care. It’s about understanding that your personal conduct is the one thing you can control in a chaotic world.
How to Hold onto Integrity When the World Seems to Lack It
Reconnect with Your Core Values:
When things feel uncertain, it’s crucial to remind yourself of what truly matters to you. What principles guide your life? Take time to reflect and ensure that your actions align with these values, even when it’s hard.
Surround Yourself with Individuals who Believe in Integrity:
This one is my personal anchor. This is not to say that I want to be surrounded only by people who think like me. On the contrary, I want to be challenged to learn, grow, and stay open to other perspectives. But I need to be supported and fed by individuals who believe in justice, equity, and our shared humanity.
While you can’t control the world, you can choose who you spend time with. Seek out those who share your commitment to integrity and authenticity. These people will uplift and inspire you, helping you stay true to yourself.
Recognize the Long Game:
Sometimes, the world will test your commitment to integrity. You might not see immediate rewards for your efforts, but that doesn’t mean they don’t matter.
Who knew that changing the world would take some time? But history clearly shows us how impactful one person can be for good or evil. We have a choice.
Action is the Antidote to Hopelessness
In a world often overwhelmed by chaos, deceit, and moral compromise, integrity can seem like a solitary pursuit. But remember: the greatest changes in history have started with individuals who refused to be swayed by what was easy or popular. They found the strength to act with integrity, even when no one else seemed to be watching.
When I’m tempted to give in or give up, I pull out those words from Madam Secretary: “You find it in yourself. You change the world right from where you’re standing.” The power to make a difference lies within each of us, and it starts with the simplest, most profound choice—choosing integrity, day after day.
When I am still, I can clearly see those who quietly and impactfully are changing the world with honesty, decency, courage, and humility.
I see you—those living with integrity—changing the world right from where they are standing.
I want to be them when I grow up!
Thanks, Dad, for the example and the reminders.
Related articles: Hope is the Breath of Survival; What Truly Matters;
